Our Adoption Journey

Its Been Awhile... A Long Overdue Update

2009-09-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you who follow our blog and are of our family and friends, you already know this. To those of you who don't know me personally, you may have been wondering why I haven't updated in a looooong time. Its been long overdue, but I'm finally getting around to posting an update.

As of June 22nd, 2009, the day after Father's Day, we found out that we are actually expecting! Via a home pregnancy test I took after being a week late, I found out that I was pregnant. At the time, this was almost bittersweet. Our hearts were so much into our adoption, but we were so very excited about becoming pregnant on our own... no doctors, no drugs, no nothing! The specialist we had seen even told us our best bet would be InVitro if we wanted to get pregnant at all. This goes to show that even doctors can sometimes be wrong.

I am now currently 17 weeks and 1 day along, with a due date of February 22nd. We will be finding out what we're having at the big ultrasound in just one short week from today! We have absolutely loved the support we received from all of our family and friends while we were in the adoption process, and we appreciate every bit of it! Evidently, God had His own plans.

Due to my previous health issues with bowel obstructions and adhesions, I've already been hospitalized once during this pregnancy for a week, about 3 weeks ago. My doctor has told me to not expect this to be my last visit to the hospital for this problem.

Because our hearts were so much in our adoption, we DO still want to adopt. Its just that now, our plans to adopt have been put on hold for a few years. I think, however, that this is a huge blessing, and I think its all been a part of God's plan. We haven't officially discussed it, but since we'll now have a few more years to save up for an adoption, I would like to adopt from Russia. Back when I was in high school, I had the rare opportunity to travel to Russia for a month as part of an exchange program with another high school in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia. While there, we visited an orphanage in St. Petersburg. That visit was my first experience with orphans and an orphanage. I have always remembered that day, and something about that visit has stuck in my heart.

So, as of today, this blog will be put on hold... but just until we start our new adoption journey! And even then, there could be a new blog, separate from this one. Either way, adoption is in our hearts and is still something we want to pursue.

An Email From a Friend

2009-06-19T06:17:00.000-07:00

Just something cute... A friend sent this to me, saying she thought of me when she saw this particular section of the email...

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family.

One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members.

One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

A little girl said, 'I know all about adoption, I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

Thanks for that, Terri!

5 Weeks Today

2009-06-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

We have been active for 5 weeks as of today. What does this mean? Well, exactly what it implies... 5 weeks ago today, we became active. But, more importantly, what's the hidden meaning here? The hidden meaning is that in 3 more weeks, I can call the agency again to check out the activity with our bio/profile. I'm only allowing myself to call every 4 weeks. After having made the call this Tuesday, I felt like I was going to make another call next week, just to see if the two birth moms with our bio had chosen yet. As the time passes, I'm finding myself more comfortable with waiting until that next 4-week mark. So, one week down, three to go.

For the first month of our wait, I felt surprisingly in control of my emotions, and more importantly, I felt in control of my patience. I wasn't really dealing with much impatience. Since this week, that has all changed. For whatever reason, I haven't been able to escape from "the wait". On Wednesday evening, the day after talking to the agency (and learning we had two birth mothers out there with our bio who had not chosen yet), I was sitting at church, trying to listen to Steve teach his lesson (the pastor's wife had asked him to lead a lesson that week), but I was literally staring at my cell phone, just willing it to ring. I even leaned over to my awesome friend, Liz, and asked "If I stare hard enough at the phone, do you think I could make it ring?". I've always considered myself high-strung, without a doubt. This week, I've been referring to myself not so much 'high-strung', but more like NEUROTIC.

I enjoy reading other peoples' adoption blogs. I came across one this week where the adoptive couple had been matched with their birth mother and their baby was born this week. As I read their blog, I looked at the pictures and read their birth story. Cue the blubbering idiot. That's me. I read her blog and I imagine what it'll be like when its me writing that blog. When its Steve and myself writing about our baby's birth story and our incredible journey from being 'parents in waiting' to simply 'parents'. It seems so surreal to me that we'll be walking around one day, just the two of us, and the next day, we could have a baby. No baby bump required. Throughout a girl's life, she imagines getting pregnant and having a family. I don't think anyone ever imagines adopting their baby. Nobody ever imagines starting their family without that pregnancy. So, to become a family without a baby bump, it just seems out of order, in a sense... I don't really know of any other way to describe it. I wonder how real our family will seem at first to our friends and family... there was no pregnancy and suddenly we've got a baby in our lives. I wonder how real it will seem to us.

ASC (our agency) encourages people to get a hobby during the wait. Ha! I've been attempting that... I've been reading. And exercising. One of the girls in my prenatal fitness class that I teach asked me if I ever stop exercising. In reality, I would love to be a lazy bum and not do a damn thing all the live-long day. But I can't. With laziness comes Satan... nagging at my mind and my heart. Trying to tell me I'll never get a baby. Trying in any way that he can to discourage me. I could swear that Satan called our house the other night. I was sitting in bed after church on Wednesday, reading my Bible. The phone rings. Remember, that was the day I was literally attempting to will my phone to ring. The phone rings. I look at the caller ID. 'Unknown Name, Unknown Number'. I don't know what caller ID will say when we get The Call. It could very well come up as a private or unknown number. My heart jumps into my throat for a millisecond. I answer the phone, and whoever it was hung up. I immediately got quite frustrated. I mean, seriously, don't hang up!!! So, I went over to see if maybe the voice mail picked up as I answered, so maybe a voice mail was left. Nope. Nothing. So, instead of peacefully reading my Bible, at that point, I was now frustrated, irritated, and definitely distracted. I know Satan likes to pick at whatever he can to distract us. I think he chose my adoption-related neurosis this time to get me.

So, right now, I'm just trying to get over this neurotic thing. Hoping it will pass... hoping I'll soon be okay with waiting right now. I hate waiting!! I hate this wait!! My goal is that we'll be calling ourselves Mommy and Daddy by the end of the summer. But in all reality, I know that that may very well not happen. For once in my life, I'm anxious to get this summer over with. Don't worry, we'll still live our lives... go out, have fun, all that fun summer stuff... But I'm ready to bring our baby home! I just want to fast-forward to that time when we bring our Baby Lannon home.

Making a Call - 4w4d

2009-06-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

So, today I decided to bite the bullet and make a phone call to our agency. They encourage adoptive parents, especially those who are high-strung, like myself, to call the agency every once in awhile... Just to check in. So, with us having been active for a month now, I decided to call this morning. The friendly gal who answered seemed to have no problem finding our profile... I didn't have to repeat my name, give her Steve's name, or give her our ID number. When she answered, I simply said who I was and that I was hoping to get an update. She asked how much or how little information I wanted her to give me... I said to just tell me whatever she had. She said that sometimes, couples will call and will simply want to know whether they've been shown or not. They may not want to know to how many birth moms they've been shown to, nor will they want to know their status on if they've picked their adoptive parents or not. At least that's what I got from it.

So, she told me what had been going on with us lately. She said that the last week and a half to two weeks had been busier for us. We'd been shown to several girls, and even though most have chosen by now who they want to adopt their baby, there are two or three girls who hadn't chosen yet... which means we could still be in the running! I was told that one girl was due in July and the other was due in November.

Of course, I was pleasantly surprised by what I was told during this phone call. Prior to calling, I had psyched myself up to hear "I'm sorry, you haven't been shown to anyone yet".. but instead, I was told that we were shown to several birth parents and that there were still a couple out there with our information (along with any other couples who met their criteria) who had not chosen their adoptive parents yet! I am doing my best not to get my hopes up. There's always that little voice in the back of my head saying "who wouldn't choose us??", but the bigger and stronger part of me is not letting my hopes get too high. I'm cautiously hopeful. Does that make sense?

Our agency tells adoptive couples that we can very much determine our own destiny. They say that if couples come in with the glum, never-gonna-happen attitude, then they very well may not get chosen for a longer time. They said that they've noticed that couples who come in to this journey with a positive, up-beat, its-gonna-happen attitude, then those couples tend to get chosen quicker. Why? I really don't know. Maybe its the attitude that they give off when writing their bio... or the attitude that they may give off if they ever meet a deciding birth mother. Who really knows. But I have a positive attitude! I know and understand that we could be in for a long haul, but I am optimistic that this WILL happen for us! We WILL become parents through adoption, no matter how long it may take! Do I want it to happen sooner rather than later? Most definitely!! But I also know (contrary to Steve's belief) that it may not happen tomorrow. I suppose you could say that I'm 'sitting comfortably on the edge of my seat'. I'm on the edge of my seat, knowing that we could get The Call any day, but I'm very comfortable, knowing that we could have a good lengthy wait ahead of us. And we're still living our lives while we wait...

So, here we are...

Living our lives, while sitting comfortably on the edge of our seat.

One Month - 4w3d

2009-06-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well, we've officially made it to the one-month mark of being active. May 15th was our activation date, and so today makes it one month... Or 4 weeks and 3 days. But who's counting? :)

We're one month closer to bringing Baby Lannon home!

Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable

2009-06-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks to this new blog I stumbled upon today, I've found new things to blog about when our Adoption news is slow... When nothing else is happening and I want to blog about something, I now have this... The blog titled Production, Not Reproduction has started an Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable. So, here we go!

Your first assignment is to think back to who you were when open adoption first entered into your life. As with so many things in life, thinking about open adoption without having experienced it and actually living it out are two very different things. What do you know now that you wish you knew then? Has the reality of open adoption as it's looked in your life matched your expectations? What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could? (If you're still in the beginning stages of your adoption journey, flip the question around: What one thing do you wish you could ask your future self about open adoption?) Be as creative or straightforward as you wish.

That last part in bold would be what applies to me, still being in the beginning stages of our adoption journey... So, what would I ask my future self about OA? Hmm, as I sit here thinking about what I would ask, I'm thinking this may not be as easy as I thought it would be. It might be more along the lines of a series of questions...

I guess the question that first comes to mind is "How do you feel now about your relationship with the birth mother? Is it what you thought it would be?" Steve and I have told the agency that we are happy with an open adoption... letters and pictures indefinitely handled through the agency, and scheduled visits, however frequently we deem them to be. We said that we would consider opening that up to exchanging last names and addresses/phone numbers depending on how the relationship with our birth mother developed. Honestly, I don't know which I would prefer... a birth mother who we see on a semi-regular basis who knows where we live and how to get ahold of us, or one who we arrange visits with for the first few years of this child's life and then just stick to letters and pictures. I have this fear of being in competition with the birth mother. I get this fear that as our child grew older, (s)he could try to develop a relationship with the birth mother... one that creates possibly a closer relationship with her than with me. I'm afraid that if our child knows his/her birth mom, (s)he might grow up to be closer with her than to me, which would then lead this child to eventually "fade us out" of his/her life. Does that make sense? So, I guess that leads me to my next question for my future self... Do you still feel that sense of competition, or that fear that the child will grow to be closer to the birth mom than to yourself?

Another question... Were your original fears about OA justifiable, or do you now find that those original fears were just due to lack of experience in the area of OA?

I suppose my questions could potentially open up a whole dialog ... Nothing that could simply be "yes" or "no"... At this point, I'm ready and willing to openly adopt. But there's always that fear in me... and I suppose its just a fear of the unknown. Not knowing what our relationship with Birth Mom will be like... Its that fear of the unknown that gets me. I'd be much better off if I already knew what to expect... The reality, though, is that no one can ever know what to expect until it happens. And even then, you have to be prepared to accept and expect the unexpected.

Adoption All Around - 3w6d ***

2009-06-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how one's eyes can be opened to a particular aspect of life in the world around them when they are going through that same thing! Ever since Steve and I have started this whole process, I have noticed adoption all around me. There are three basic parties involved in adoption... you've got the birth parents, the child who is being adopted, and the adoptive parents. During the past few months, I've encountered people from all three parties. I know two adults who have been adopted, as well as several adolescents who have been adopted. I know those who are in the process of adopting, or have already adopted. I know the young woman who is choosing adoption for her baby. I've known of several instances of adoption from people around me as I've grown up, but I haven't put it all together until recently. Adoption is such an amazing gift of love, and the gift is received on all ends.

Though there are three parties involved, I believe that she who is choosing adoption for her child is experiencing the strongest and hardest emotions. Please pray for our birth mother... and for all the women out there who are choosing adoption for their babies. We may not know their names, but God knows who they are. Prayer is amazing.

Our agency's motto is that "you will get the child you are meant to raise". I think I may have addressed this motto in a prior post, but it still blows my mind. Its such an amazing thing to know that God has willed this baby into life, and even if this baby is unplanned in the birth mother's eyes, (s)he is NOT unplanned in God's eyes. God knows exactly who is meant to raise that baby, whether its the birth parents or adoptive parents. No child is a mistake to God. I have complete and absolute faith that our baby is out there somewhere, and that no matter where that baby is, whether (s)he has been conceived yet or not, whoever is carrying that baby, God will bring that baby home to us! Praise God for all the power and control that He holds! While we're waiting for "The Call", we know that God is still working on our behalf... working behind the scenes for us. We may not see what is happening and the work that God is doing, but we know He's there, doing the work for us. How amazing is that??!

By the way, the "3w6d" in the title of this blog indicates how long we've been waiting... we've been active for 3 weeks and 6 days. Hopefully I'll be able to keep track of this for all to know.

Have a great week, everyone...

***I was perusing my blog and noticed that this figure "2w6d" was incorrect. At the time this blog was posted, we were actually at three weeks, 6 days. Woohoo!

Some Time Away - Vacation! A Story in Pictures.

2009-06-10T08:46:00.001-07:00

This is the excited face of my 8-year old niece, Sarah, as she opened the door and unexpectedly found myself and Steve standing there! Steve and I made a trip down to South Carolina for a visit and along with the help of my sister, Ann, we managed to surprise the kids totally! I wish I would have taken pictures of my 10-year old niece, Kathryn, and 5-year old nephew, Luke as well to capture their reactions, but once Sarah showed up, then the other two came and I was just so focused and excited to be hugging them all again that I forgot all about the pictures. And yes, the picture was taken through their storm door, explaining the reflection of me with the camera. The kids were all totally surprised and thrilled to have us there... and we were thrilled to see them again! I hugged all three of them tightly, then moved on to give my sister the biggest hug. I miss having them all here in Indiana, but South Carolina has grown on me, and its nice to have a little getaway while spending time with them.

Shortly after we arrived, we brought our things in and the kids immediately had to tell me and their Uncle Steve all about their lives... Both of the girls made straight A's this year in school, which I was soo proud of them for! The girls had their swim practice that evening, so we all packed into the van and drove down the street to the neighborhood pool.

The next morning was hilarious... Steve and I were awoken to 5 little fingers under the door to our room and a little 5-year old boy's voice singing "No one wants to play with me, no one wants to play with me"... We laid there for a couple minutes, just listening to him talk outside our door. We decided to let him in, at which point Uncle Steve decided to play a game of UNO with Luke...

So, anyway, that evening, Thursday, we got to go see the girls swim in their first Summer Swim Team Meet of the season. It was so exciting watching them swim!! Sarah won 4th place in her freestyle race and Kathryn won 3 different ribbons, one of which was 1st place for her freestyle race!! The girls received their ribbons the next morning at the pool, which happened to be just before Luke's swim lesson... he's a Guppy! The girls swam at the other end of the pool while Luke had his lesson. All of it was so much fun to watch!

Friday was pretty much a free day... no big plans. Well, I take that back. We had planned on roasting hot dogs and making s'mores in their fire pit, but an all-day rain changed those plans real quick. We ended up running a couple errands with Ann and the kids, and made a pit-stop during the only sunny time of the day at the Greenville Zoo. Its a small zoo... definitely smaller than Indianapolis' zoo, but still worth the while!

Saturday was an AWESOME day! I mean, since we'd been there, we'd been having a blast, but Saturday just had its very own personality to it. We went to Luke's soccer game, which was his last game of the season. We loved watching him run with the ball! I loved watching his age group out there playing soccer... its the age where they're getting more organized and less bunched up, but the coaches still get to stay on the field. We loved it!! And Luke did an excellent job at making his Aunt Bethany proud!

After the game was over, we went home for Luke to change his clothes, made some quick changes, and then headed off for some mountainous hiking and to check out the waterfalls. This part was great! There are lookouts for these particular falls, but you can also go down by the falls and get very up close and personal! Steve and I were the daredevils... we would get up next to the falls, just a few feet away from where the water would fall to. Here are some good pictures of that experience...

Steve and I in front of High Falls

My Sis, Ann, and I in front of Triple Falls

Steve and I roaming where we probably shouldn't be...

Yeah, I think we broke every single one of these rules...

Once again, Steve probably where he shouldn't be...

Steve and I getting soaked at the bottom of one of the falls...
Sarah
Kathryn and Luke
Luke

Random Thoughts on our Adoption

2009-05-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

So, I've been here at work today. Nothing too exciting... Just working away for when we get that one phone call that will very well change our entire lives forever. Every once in awhile, there will be random little things that will get me choked up about the adoption... today it was the little patient I encountered. That's all. I could tell this patient was cold, so I went and got a blanket. Call me crazy... call me emotional... call me hormonal. I don't know. But I just thought about when it'll be my child that I'll be warming up with a blanket. Granted, I hope this blanket-getting will be happening at home and not in the hospital, but you get my point.

There are several different 'triggers' for me... Whenever I see a new Mommy or Daddy pick up their baby and the baby just curls up on Mommy's or Daddy's chest... I love seeing that, and I can't even begin to imagine what it'll feel like when I'm picking up my baby and cuddling him/her close to my chest. Or even when I see Steve do the same. I can't wait to take this journey into parenthood with him! I think he will be such an awesome Daddy!

There is another blog on here that I've been reading here recently... its written by an adoptive mother. The last couple days at work had been somewhat slow, so during the down times, I decided to go back through her blog archives and read her posts from the time they were chosen by a birth mother. Let me just say.. I would get emotional at some posts while they were waiting for this baby to be born, but then when I saw the post about the baby being born, OMyGosh... I was really choking back the tears! I was so happy for them as I was reading it, and so excited for Steve and myself! If I hadn't been at work, I would've bawled like a big guppy. (Do guppys bawl?) It was just so touching and inspiring to read another person's family story.

I was at work yesterday and the site where I was working at has a new MRI there. So, they were having a site visit... basically where the local hospital techs, radiologists, whoever, come in to take a look at the machine to see if its something that they would like to have for their facility. Its something along those lines... All I know is that it was crowded as hell in that little room that we all work in! Anyway, I digress... One man was there, and he was there two weeks ago when I last worked at that site... my supervisor, J, and I had been talking about the adoption that day and he caught wind of it. So, yesterday, he asked me how it was going. Of course, at this point, when people ask how the adoption is going, I just say "its going"... its all a waiting game now, and we're very early in the game. He and I sat there talking for a couple minutes... he was talking about how touching of an experience adoption can be. Everyone I know who has adopted or knows someone who has adopted has always said what a touching experience that is... that baby will be so special. I mean, any baby is special, but they all say that its special because we chose that baby.

Every time I think about how we'll be choosing that baby, I get a little emotional. I always find myself thinking about what it'll be like when we get 'The Call'... where will we be? What will we be doing? How will I react? How will Steve react?? Sometimes I would question Steve's excitement about the adoption... but I have to remind myself that he's just not the kind to 'wear his heart on his sleeve'... very much unlike me. But I have to say, I know where his heart is... we were at church the Sunday after we went active.. Not many people knew at church that we were adopting. Why? Not really sure... we just didn't announce it. Some people knew. It just depended on who was around when we talked about it. Anyway, Steve runs the soundboard at church so he's in the very back of the sanctuary. I happened to be sitting in the pews that day with one of my best friends, Liz... When our pastor asked for praises, much to my surprise, I heard Steve from the back proudly announce that as of that Friday, we were active with the adoption! My face probably turned about 50 shades of red... I just wasn't expecting it. What I also wasn't expecting was the tone of his voice. It really sounded like he got a little choked up about it. I was so thrilled to hear that emotion, that happiness in his voice.

So, I think you can get the point... I'm a big, emotional ball of guppiness. I get emotional about how it will feel to get 'The Call', how it will feel to hold our baby for the first time, how it will feel to introduce this baby to our family and friends, and then how it will feel to experience all those wonderful milestones that babies have. I even get a little emotional as I type about how emotional I'll be.

I can't wait to be a Mommy and I can't wait for Steve to be a Daddy!

Living Life While Waiting for "THE CALL"

2009-05-29T07:50:00.001-07:00

Today, Friday May 29th, marks two weeks since we became active. Its only been two short weeks and I'm already finding myself screening calls... wanting to call the agency... jumping at every ring of the phone. Ugh. The average wait is 9 months... So, if we're "average", I've still got a good 8-1/2 months to go.

I admire Steve in many ways... one of those ways is in his patience and his spin on the whole waiting thing. He's looking at it from the aspect that the longer it takes for us to be chosen by a birth mother, the more time we have to save up the money needed to pay for the adoption expenses. God bless him. I'm the opposite... I look at it from the aspect that the longer it takes for us to be chosen, the more time I get to sign up for extra shifts at work. I've already put myself on a temporary 'hiatus' from signing up for any more shifts. I'm working what I get assigned, and still hoping that I get a good amount of them, but I'm not signing up for anymore. I need to constantly remind myself to still live my life during the wait. The longer we wait, the more neurotic I become too. I feel that I have done a good job at keeping the impatience quality away... I've been fairly patient up til this point. But I'm also praying... A LOT. And trying to keep myself occupied... A LOT. Patience and impatience is something that I fight on a daily basis and have to constantly make the conscious decision to say that I am NOT going to get impatient or worried over this process. It won't bring Baby Lannon home to us any sooner.

When we were going through the home study process, ASC sent us some contact information for a 'sponsor couple'... A couple who has been through the adoption process with ASC. Our couple has adopted twice through ASC. The sponsor couple is meant to ease fears, be a sounding board, ask questions, etc. I've been emailing back and forth with S, the adoptive mother. She gave me some good advice... keep living your life while you wait for the call! "It" may be in the front, middle and back of our brains, but we need to keep living. She said that as her kids have gotten older, they would ask about what they did while they waited. Her point is, whatever it is that we do while we wait for "THE CALL", it will all become a part of "our story". In her words, "You never know…you might be in the restroom waiting line during the Def Leppard concert at Verizon when you get “THE CALL” … it’s all part of your family story!".

So, how are we living our lives? Well, I've made a visit down to Florida to the brother and nephew, which was great! Steve and I are headed to South Carolina to visit the sister and brother-in-law, and their 3 kids. Its a total surprise visit for the kids... they have no idea we're coming! It'll be great! Other than those two little side trips, its mostly a bunch of cookouts, nights with friends, anything to keep us occupied. Hopefully we'll throw a concert or two in there too. As for me, in the downtime, I've taken up reading. I just bought a few new books from Amazon... one is the next Stephanie Plum novel by Janet Evanovich... I'm on Lean, Mean Thirteen. A couple are books by Chelsea Handler, which will be funny... and then I'm attempting to interest myself in the Twilight books. Two of my good friends have read them and highly recommended them to me, even though I've had no interest in reading them. So, we'll see how that goes...

So, that's about it. As far as news on the adoption front goes, there isn't any. Its all a waiting game now, at this point... Completely out of our hands and completely entrusted in God's hands.

Prayer, etc.

2009-05-21T05:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family -

As you all know, Steve and I are soooooooo excited to adopt! We're so excited and filled with anticipation for what God holds in our near future! I know many of you have said that you'll keep us in your prayers, that we'll be chosen quickly. We love and appreciate all your prayers! I do have one additional prayer request though... Whenever you pray for us, please pray for our birth mother. We don't know where she is, who she is, what she does or anything else. We don't even know if she's pregnant with our child yet or not! But we know that God has chosen a birth mother for us, and she's out there, somewhere, regardless of whether or not she's pregnant. Its such an amazing thought to know that when the baby God has created for us is conceived, if not already conceived, He will be leading that birth mother to US. She's out there! She's living her life! She could already be battling with the decision of what to do with a pregnancy. I ask that you not only pray for us, but also for her. Pray that God will bless her body and her heart... Pray that God will bless her pregnancy and bless our baby. There is a possibility that our baby could be exposed to harmful substances like drugs (anything from cigarettes to crack/cocaine to inhalants and everything in between) or alcohol. Pray that God will protect this baby from any harmful substances that our birth mother may introduce into her body. And please also pray that when this birth mother enters our lives, that we might be able to be a blessing to her and plant a seed in her heart to know God more. Again, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers!! Not only for us, but also for our birth mother. We will never be able to thank you enough for your prayers!

I do have one other topic I want your opinion on, especially all of you already-parents... Steve and I are working on a list of items we feel that we might need immediately, should we get a FIYL (Fall-in-your-lap) Adoption... You know, the one where the agency calls and says "We have a baby born, do you want it? Okay, come get your baby!" (paraphrased, of course). So, basically, if you found out you were getting a baby TOMORROW, a brand new baby, what would you need ASAP? You can leave your suggestions in a comment to this blog. We've already got the car seat and stroller... its one of those travel systems. So, as of right now, we can legally take the baby home. I figure we'll need a bassinet right away, which we plan on hopefully buying one of those pack-n-plays that has the built in bassinet and changing table... what else?? Especially all of those little things...

Thank you for your input!! And again, thank you for your prayers! Please continue to pray for us, for our baby-to-be, and for our birth mother... she's out there somewhere!

God Bless you all!!!

Big News!!

2009-05-15T11:23:00.001-07:00

Well, its officially official! We are 100% ACTIVE as of today! Yayyy!!

So, what does this mean, you may ask? Basically, this means that we've passed all the tests, done all the bells and whistles, all the background checks, etc, etc, etc... We have been officially recommended by the agency to adopt. And last, but not least, the birth mothers will know this! As of today, birth mothers will be shown our biography, if we meet the criteria that they request for adoptive parents.

I'm totally thrilled by all of this... life can now go back to (relatively) normal. No more dealing with waiting for background checks to arrive, no more waiting for referral letters to arrive (I'm still mad at the USPS... Seriously, it shouldn't take a MONTH for one letter to get from Danville to Broad Ripple!)... Now we just wait for that one phone call. And wait. And wait. Even just thinking about getting that phone call saying "you've been chosen by a birth mother"... just thinking about it gets me all excited and giddy. I have so much anticipation for the future! So, we can go back to living our lives as normal, to which I'm sure Steve is completely relieved!! We aren't going to worry about buying too many baby things... We're just going to buy a couple items that might become immediately necessary, should we get called for a fall-in-your-lap adoption, like a car seat, bassinet, maybe a few gender neutral onesies. Stuff like that. I've been told that hospitals generally send new parents home with a few days worth of diapers, wipes, and formula... So, hopefully we won't need to buy that in preparation for what might come.

So, anyway, that's the big news! We're officially active!

Baby, here we come!!

Just a little Timeline.

2009-05-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

So, as of now, we are planning on becoming officially ACTIVE by Friday! Yay!! Since we will be active so soon, I thought I'd post a little timeline of our process so far...

Sunday, February 22nd:
We decide to adopt. We decide that its the best option for us and begin the research process.

Wednesday, March 18th:
We go to an informational seminar at the Adoption Support Center in Broad Ripple. At this point, we'd already met with an adoption attorney, and felt somewhat iffy about them. We were completely blown away by the seminar at ASC. We officially apply to the agency today.

Tuesday, April 7th:
We go to ASC for the Home Study office interview. A grueling 1-1/2 hour session of them asking every question known to man about our family history, relationships with family, relationships with each other, etc, etc, etc. But we make it through with flying colors!!

Friday, April 10th:
We attend the ASC Home Study class. An 8-hour day filled with information about the adoption process, the birth mother, legal info, and many other topics.

Thursday, April 23rd:
Our actual Home Study visit. This consisted of a 3-minute walkthrough of our home accompanied with a 2-hour discussion about adoption, our family, our relationship with eachother, how we plan to raise/discipline a child, plans for the future, etc, etc, etc. Again, somewhat grueling. We're told that we should become active within 4-6 weeks of having this visit.

Tuesday, May 12th:
We receive a copy of our home study for proofing!! This is less than 3 weeks from the date of our home study visit!!

Wednesday, May 13th (today):
I email the corrections that need to be made to our home study. We plan on delivering the owed fees and a signed Recommendation sheet this Friday... This will make us officially ACTIVE!! We were told 4-6 weeks from our home study visit that we'd be active. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since that date!!

How exciting is THAT???!!

Visit to Florida and Final Proof of our Bio!!

2009-05-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

So, last weekend, I made a quick little trip down to Florida to visit my brother and nephew for a couple days. The trip was waaaaay too short, but was completely worth it! I left early morning on Friday April 24th and returned home the afternoon of Sunday April 26th. Talk about a whirlwind trip! Anyway, since I'm a proud auntie, I just wanted to show off a few pictures of my fabulous nephew, Ethan, who is 2 years old...

As far as our adoption journey goes, we haven't reached any milestones, however we DID receive the final proof of our biography! Yay!! I managed to take a few pictures of it, just to give you an idea of what it looks like. This biography is what will be shown to birth mothers when we meet the certain sets of criteria that the birth mother specifies. The first page is our "Dear Birth Parents" letter and main picture... the next couple pages are not shown, just for the fact that they're just pages of text about us. Nothing really worth taking a picture of, although they did a wonderful job at putting us on paper! The last couple pages of the bio are the pictures that they included... The picture quality is a little off just due to the flash and weird lighting and all that, but you can get the basic gist of the bio.

The Home Study is COMPLETE!

2009-04-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

As of this morning, we are officially done with our home study. That being said, we are NOT active yet. They still have to process all of the information gathered during the home study process and finalize it... this will take 4-6 weeks. From that point, we'll be active. Yay!! So, now its just a big waiting game. We did get some good news today... I called ASC and asked about our profile, to see if any information was missing or if they were still waiting on any background checks to be returned... So far, all they're missing is a couple referral letters (easy to take care of) and they're just waiting for the Child Protective Services background check to be returned... and that's a background check that they do for us. So, basically, we're in the clear! Now we just have to get through the next 4-6 weeks before we're officially active. Looking at the calendar, I'm shooting for anytime between May 21st and June 4th. But who's counting?

Anyway, the home visit this morning went really well. It lasted about two hours. Now, I've done several hours of cleaning and freaking out about things for the past couple days... all of that for a walkthrough the house that lasted all of 3 minutes. Haha... I know Steve is just uttering "I told you so! I told you so!" in his head. But that's okay.. for me, it wasn't a matter of just cleaning... If I had to clean, I wanted it to be CLEAN. None of that half-ass stuff. So, we showed her around the house when she arrived (but not before being greeted by the dogs... thank God she's a dog person!), just showed her where the baby's room would be, our bedroom, the office, the kitchen, etc, etc. Then we sat down for almost two hours just talking. It was all very casual. She asked us a lot of questions that we were also asked at our Office Interview (Part 1 of the home study process), but we knew they were coming. She asked about our parents, our relationship with them growing up and now, relationships with siblings, our activities growing up, our activities now, etc, etc, etc. Then she went into questions about our marriage... how do we resolve conflict, how do we handle conflict, how were we disciplined growing up and how do we think we'd discipline our child. Overall, it was very smooth. We had a pot of coffee brewing for when she arrived and Steve went and bought a small coffee cake too... we knew that she had already scheduled an early-morning home study (ours was at 8:30am), so we wanted her to feel comfortable... ya know, all the necessities in the early morning.. caffeine, food, etc. She opted for a bottle of water. Oh well... after she left, Steve and I dug into the coffee and coffee cake. :)

So, I think that's about it... The countdown is on!! 4-6 weeks til we're active... I cannot wait! So excited!

I'd love to chat more, but I have to get up at 3:00 in the morning for an early morning flight to go visit my brother, Alan, in FLORIDA tomorrow! Woohoo!! Its a short trip though... coming back on Sunday. I still need to finish packing... but I just wanted to post this quick update for those who care to read.

Have a fabulous weekend!!

Funny Blog

2009-04-18T14:04:00.001-07:00

So, I came across this blog... I was actually searching out other blogs from people who are also adopting and one gal posted a link to this blog... Its not necessarily adoption related, but it IS baby related.

http://fatherknowsshit.blogspot.com/2006/02/one-night-with-baby-weeder-course-for.html

I'll offer this disclaimer: Do NOT click the above link if you are easily offended. The language is pretty rough, but the overall blog itself and the message it contains is HILARIOUS! Actually, all of his posts are pretty hysterical, so you should definitely browse around. :)

Enjoy!!

Home Study scheduled... Australia.

2009-04-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

First off, our Home Study visit is officially scheduled!! Yay!! Our visit is scheduled for next Thursday morning, April 23rd... 8:30am! Yikes! So, guess who will actually be getting up early (or staying up late the night before) with major cleaning?!?? As surprising as it may come to those of you who know me well, it will be me... I'm sure Steve will help too... we'll both be in it together!

Anyway, a couple posts ago, I mentioned the poem that was read to us at our Home Study class last Friday... I got a copy of it, so here it is...

Adoption is a Long Journey,
Different Trips to the Same Place
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column.

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard its a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait - and wait - and wait. Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax, You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time, the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By BOAT?" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

Niece or Nephew #5 On the Way!!

2009-04-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

I'm soooooooooo excited!! We get to be Auntie and Uncle again!! My brother and sis-in-law, Ed and Teresa, are expecting their first baby! She's due December 4th!! This will be our 5th niece or nephew... Woohoo!!

Soo, that being said, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We're so happy and excited for you guys!! You'll be fabulous parents!! We love you!!!!!

Love always,
Bethany and Steve

Step 2 of 3 - The Home Study Class

2009-04-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

We are over two-thirds of the way done with our home study! Now, we're just waiting to get the phone call (don't get excited here) to get the actual home study visit scheduled. I'd love to get the phone call today to schedule that visit, but I know it won't happen til Monday, at least. I plan on leaving a list of my days off with Steve in case they get ahold of him. Idealistically, I'd like to have it scheduled next week. BUT who knows...

The class was 9am until 5pm... but our heads weren't spinning as much as I thought they'd be. The entire class was very informative and very interesting. We learned a lot about the actual home study visit (when they come to our home), but we mostly learned about the entire adoption process. There were 7 couples there, total, 4 of whom were there for their 2nd adoption. I really liked that part because I was able to pick their brains a little bit about their first adoption experience. Anyway, I'm totally excited for Steve and I to become parents! During the class, there would be little things talked about here and there where, me being my overly-emotional self sometimes, I would get a little choked up and would have to swallow back the tears... I know, I know, totally hokey, but its true! They would talk about things like contacting the adoptive parents about being picked by a birth mother, and I would get a little choked up thinking about when that moment comes for us. But you have to remember, I'm the girl who cries at those ASPCA commercials... you know, the ones that ask you to sponsor an abused or neglected animal, and they ALWAYS show dogs.

During the class, I would think about the irony that my life tends to hold... I have this fascination with pregnancy... I think its one of the most wonderful acts of God that exists on this earth. I teach prenatal fitness (and LOVE IT), work with young mothers (who I must say, are all WONDERFUL at what they do!)... I just love being around pregnant people. I love feeling bellies and hearing all about their experiences... I have this vision, almost, of whatever birth mom that chooses us, will let us be in the delivery room, go to appointments, whatever. I would love to develop a relationship with her through her pregnancy and be able to experience her pregnancy with her. The gal who was leading the class said that birth mothers who want adoptive couples involved in her prenatal care and/or labor and delivery usually do it for one or two reason: First, she is giving the adoptive couple the GIFT of this experience, because she knows that we may not get to experience it first hand. Secondly, she may not have any support from family or friends. Sometimes its one of those two reasons, sometimes its both.

Last thing, and then I'll end this... a poem was read to us during the class. I can't remember its exact words, but I think it was written by one of the agency's adoptive couples... I hope to get a copy of it and post it for you to read. I think the title was Australia. Becoming a parent is like travelling to Australia. You plan for months and months, sometimes years and the time comes to get on a plane to go there. You get to the ticket counter and there are no seats for you on this plane. You wait for months and months and by this point, friends and family are travelling to Australia by plane several times. The ticket agent tells you that you may have to travel to Australia by boat. By boat? It may not be as beautiful as by plane... by boat takes so much longer and costs so much more money. But one day, you decide to take the boat. As you're on the boat, you see friends and family flying back and forth to Australia. They may fly to Australia several times, but by boat, you may be lucky to get to Australia once or maybe twice in your lifetime. But when you get to Australia by boat, you see that its so beautiful and breathtaking, that you forget how you got there. The poem is something along those lines... but it really stuck with me. I recently caught up with an old childhood friend on Facebook... she's 7 months pregnant, but she's gone through her own trials and joys. She said to me "I hope you are confident that there is no formula for starting a family". And she's absolutely right. It doesn't matter if I get there by boat or by plane! The destination will be just as beautiful and breathtaking!

Home Study Step 1 - The Office Interview

2009-04-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

We completed the first step of our home study process... the office interview. We had this on Tuesday, April 7th. I can't speak for Steve, but I feel that it was slightly grueling... They started out with the basic, expected questions... any history of convictions, felonies, ever been accused of or a victim of child abuse or neglect, etc, etc. Then they went into each of us individually. "Steve, explain what your relationship was like growing up with your maternal grandparents and up until their deaths"... "How did they influence you as you grew up?"... Then they go into the same questions for his paternal grandparents.. then his parents... then his siblings. That last part was easy for him... he's just got his one brother, Tommy. Then they asked him to describe himself using various words or short phrases. Then, it was on to me... basically every question that was asked for Steve, it was asked for me. That sibling part was a little harder for me... I had more siblings to cover. :) Oh yeah, and can't forget our medical history too. Once again, that was a little easier for Steve than it was for me. I had a little more to cover.

Anyway, the interview on Tuesday reminded me of what my mom used to say about me when I was little... anytime I met someone new, I felt like I had to tell them my whole life story. This proved to be problematic at the dentist... they couldn't get me to shut up long enough to look at my teeth. But, I digress... I always felt like I had to tell my whole life story to people when I was little. On Tuesday, I literally told them my whole life story... I probably told them all about my life up until the day before the interview. There were also other topics covered in the interview too... the level of openness that we were comfortable with for an adoption, what the home study process is like (besides the grueling interview), and they didn't forget to tell us about how much our heads would be spinning after our class on Friday! "If you thought your heads were spinning after the information seminar, they'll REALLY be spinning after Friday's class... oh, by the way, give us your money now, please. That'll be $1500"

So, now we're on to Step 2 of the home study process... the class on Friday. Its an all-day thing... 9am til 5pm. Since today is Thursday, that means its tomorrow... I have, at this point, about 16 hours to finish up the last little details of our "blue paperwork" and biography info. Hopefully I'll get it done within the next 6 or 8 hours so I can actually get some sleep tonight. :)

Wish us luck!! Big, long, head-spinning class tomorrow!

Signing with an Agency and the Home Study

2009-03-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

I figure that its been awhile since my very first post on this blog, and even though nobody really knows about this blog yet, I thought I'd update it anyway. :) Hopefully it won't be too long after this date when you all get to read this!

So, just as an update, we signed with an agency a couple weeks ago. We decided to go with the Adoption Support Center (adoptionsupportcenter.com), who is in Broad Ripple, Indianapolis. After our 3-hour informational seminar, Steve and I just felt so comfortable with them! Unlike an attorney, they truly offer the support that both the adoptive and the birth parents need! We felt so welcomed there, and it never once felt "cold and stuffy". We had filled out an intake form prior to attending this seminar, and at the seminar, they had created a small profile just for us (and for each other couple there too) about what we were looking for, our qualities, and the founder also took the time to write a small little paragraph, basically welcoming us into ASC and giving us her opinion of how they'll best be able to serve and support us. The whole environment was wonderful!

So, since officially applying to ASC, we've since been working on a mound of paperwork... background checks, medical history, family history, financial history, and all the information that will soon become our biography and "Dear Birth Mother" letter. While everything has been equally difficult for the most part, the hardest part has been compiling info for our biography. We have to answer several questions about ourselves, our childhoods, our homes, our neighborhoods, community involvement, etc, etc, etc... luckily, we answer the questions, THEY write up the bio. The HARDEST part has been coming up with all the pictures for our bio! They want certain things for the pictures; preferrably non-posed, definitely non-professional, with some sort of activity going on, and the list goes on. Its been frustrating because, while we've been able to find plenty of "couple photos" and plenty of "photos with children" and "family photos", the hardest has been "Friends photos"... we've never been the type of couple to always have our camera with us when we go out with friends. And our friends don't do that either. BUT we're all going out next weekend for my birthday, so hopefully we'll snap some good ones then. :)

Anyway, we're also starting the home study process. It involves three steps: the in-office interview which we have scheduled for Tuesday April 7th, the home study class, which is an all-day thing and is scheduled for Friday April 10th, and then the actual 2-hour home visit. We will be scheduling the home visit when we attend the class on the 10th. The interview and the class is when pretty much all our information is due, with the exception of our referral letters and background checks (which we've already mailed in and should be getting processed here soon). After our home visit, it will take approximately 4-6 weeks to process and finalize our home study, therefore making us officially ACTIVE! From there, ASC has an average placement rate of 9 months for domestic adoptions. Woohoo!!

The deeper we get into this process, although still in the very beginning, the more excited we are becoming!! I just can't wait to become active and to know that we could be called any day with a birth mother who has chosen US to be her baby's parents!

11 Days Ago...

2009-03-05T15:45:00.000-08:00

It was 11 days ago, Sunday February 22nd, when I saw God's answer. I'd been praying specifically for an answer regarding mine and Steve's path ever since the appointment we had with our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I can't remember the specific date of the appointment as I write this, but it was in February. We were told that our RE believed that I had an issue with my "tubal function"... basically that if we wanted to get pregnant on our own, we'd have to go through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). We could certainly try an intra-uterine insemination (IUI), but it probably wouldn't work, according to the doctor. Fast-forward to Sunday, February 22nd... I'm at work and we're all sitting there talking. I can't remember how the topic of adoption got brought up, but a co-worker said how her sister and brother-in-law had adopted their little girl and it was the best thing to ever happen to their family. That's when it hit me... it hit me like a brick wall. Adoption. We should adopt!

Now, before I go any further, let me say that we had always known that adoption would be a possibility for us, should we get to that point. However, recently, adoption became more of a reality and with that reality came what seemed like less of a desire to actually do it. At least that's how it was with me. Its a major decision to adopt, and up until that day, I didn't feel ready to adopt. I wanted to have that experience of pregnancy... I wanted to feel a baby grow and move inside me. I wanted to experience what it feels like to see my husband hold the baby that he and I made together. I wanted to experience what it feels like for a newborn baby to be put on my chest right when he or she was delivered. So, you could say that I wasn't ready to give up on that dream. And to be completely honest, I'm still not ready to give up on that dream. I still hope and pray that I experience that feeling one day... but for now, I've experienced what I can only best describe as a peace about that not happening right now. Ever since our appointment with the RE, I'd prayed daily... do we try IUI, knowing that it may never be successful? Do we go straight for IVF and take a gamble with $10,000+ each month? Or do we adopt? I needed a bright neon sign from God, just telling me the answer. That day at work, I didn't get the neon sign, but it was just as good. I felt this peace come over me about not knowing those experiences for the time being, and I felt the desire and the WANT to adopt. When I talked to Steve about it, I was genuinely excited for the potential opportunities that were coming our way! I still have my triggers though.. things that get me upset and sad for what my body can't do right now. It is almost like that theory that's described as "two steps forward, one step back". But I'm always one step ahead.

So, now that we've decided on adoption, we've been doing our research... agencies, law firms, costs, expenses, benefits, risks, etc, etc, etc! We recently had a meeting with a law firm here in the Indianapolis area, Kirsh & Kirsh, who specialize solely in adoption law. They help couples like myself and Steve find a baby to adopt. We've also been researching another agency in Broad Ripple. For this agency, we're attending an informational seminar in two weeks, March 18th. It seems like forever away though. I'm hopeful about both places... I think it could potentially be a really difficult decision on who to go with. I've been praying daily for wisdom in this journey, not just for me, but also for Steve. He and I are taking this journey together, and even though he doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve like I do, I think he's excited too.

Now, for most of you, you're probably reading this and wondering why this post seems old... I decided to start this blog for all of our family and friends, but since the adoption thing isn't quite public knowledge, nor official yet, we're not advertising this blog until a little further down the road. How far down the road? Who knows. You could be reading this tomorrow or it could be next month before you know about this blog. I think we want to at least sign on with an agency and get started in the process before making it public knowledge that we're adopting. Now, that being said, if it were up to me, I would've been telling people the second we decided to pursue this. Its been killing me to not be able to tell people! I'm so excited about this journey! But Steve wants to wait a little longer... I guess he's a more private person like that.

So, all in all, I'm really excited about this journey. I can't wait to share it with all of you and let you in on what's going on with us! Hope you enjoy it as much as we do!